Let. Him. Go.

I just need to let this out. It’s neither encouraging nor funny. It’s just a thing.

If you know me you know I’m good for making a phone call off the random. No courtesy text. No appointments. If I want to hear your voice or for you to hear mine at any given moment, I’ll call. Some folks I’ll even FaceTime without notice. They let me get away with it so… whatever works. Anyway, this whole calling people thing carries the possibility to get me in trouble 99% of the time.

Side note: I also remember phone numbers. If you put me in front of a payphone and told me to call the guy I “talked to” in eleventh grade I could dial his number without hesitation. And so you don’t think it’s just about him, I also still remember my dad’s cellphone number and he’s been dead for 10 years now. I don’t like math, but numbers are my thing. I remember the numbers and dates to everything.

Moving along.

Last night I was heated. I won’t get into it but I was so mad. So, like in previous undesirable states I’ve been in, I said to myself “it’s already a bad night- might as well make it the worst it can be.” So I unplugged my phone from the aux cord and dialed this eleventh grade guy’s number. I haven’t spoken to him in a minute, though I did unblock his number and tell him ‘happy birthday’ recently. We’ve also thrown a few “you home?” texts back-and-forth since then, but have always seemed to pass one another in our travels to and from school. We haven’t linked since the summer. Thank God. (I really do need to move past doing this thing where I crawl back to things I know will hurt me when I’m feeling just the slightest bit displeased. Seriously. It isn’t healthy. But I do it.) Anyway, I called.

I could’ve gotten some new but so not good content for the blog with that phone call I made. He didn’t answer though. I blocked his number again.

– Jade M Ernest

P.S. I know this is only funny to me but I listened to Tori Kelly pretty heavily around the time this guy and I first started falling off. Unbreakable Smile dropped the summer of 2015 which went just about perfectly with the timeline of things. My poor life was a movie and that was its soundtrack. So dramatic. (This was the first guy I actually ever thought I liked though so please let me be great).

Track 11 “Art of Letting You Go” reeeeeally gets me to this day. It’s so funny. In the hook she goes “It’s alway you I go back to, I know it’s danger” and eventually “I can’t seem to master the art of letting you go.”

Same, sis. Same. I’m working on it.

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